My Asher boy is 7 weeks young as I write this post, and once again, I am amazed and saddened how fast this time goes. Sweet Asher boy, you are everything I’ve dreamed of and so much more ❤️
I am so blessed to be able to say that I have had two healthy pregnancies, both followed by healthy, smooth deliveries. I had a natural birth experience with both of my babies.
[Click here to read Avaya’s Birth Story]
Here is my [very detailed] account of everything that went down before, during, and after Asher’s birth.
Asher’s Birth Story
I was so sure my boy would come early. I’ve always heard that second babies come sooner, and I’ve also seen a lot of my friends have their second child early. This baby in my belly moved A LOT, and his kicks were powerful. I often thought, “he’s a big guy, and he wants out… he’ll be here early!”
He didn’t come early. He baked for the full 40 weeks, plus a few extra hours.
Leading Up To Labor
Two nights before my due date, I started getting contractions. It was so similar to how it happened leading up to the birth of my daughter 16 months earlier. The contractions began at bed time, lasted all throughout the night, kept me from getting just about any sleep, and then stopped in the morning once I showered. The next night, they were back, and it was pretty much a repeat of the night before. Frequent, painful contractions, but only about 9-10 minutes apart. My plan was to head to the hospital when they were closer to 5 minutes apart. Once I got up in the morning, they became ever farther apart – coming about every 15-20 minutes. That’s how the first half of that day went.
I had my 40 week appointment that afternoon, which was my due date. I was hooked up to the monitor for a non-stress test, which is standard procedure at my doctor’s office once you make it to your due date. The monitor verified that I was having contractions. My cervix was checked and I was 4 cm dilated. 4 centimeters! That was huge to me, because when I was in labor with my daughter, I was checked at 3 cm, and then a few hours later, I was the full 10 and pushing!
Before leaving that appointment, a nurse brought in paperwork for me to sign, agreeing to an induction one week out, if I didn’t go into labor on my own by then. That would have put me out to 41 weeks. I definitely did not want that, and was hesitant to sign. I read a lot throughout my first pregnancy on the risks of induction, and knew I didn’t want it. She said I most likely wouldn’t need to be induced (based on my changing cervix, and the contractions I was having), but by signing the sheet, they would at least have it on hand and ready to go if the pregnancy did prolong. I did sign it, but felt very confident I wouldn’t need it.
I left that appointment feeling confident that I would be headed to the hospital within the next 24 hours. Due to my membrane being swept when the midwife checked my cervix, my contractions were suddenly becoming more painful and frequent.
After my appointment, Aaron, Avaya and I went to lunch at our favorite spot, Kelly’s Roots Cafe. It was the same place that Aaron and I had lunch after our 40 weeks appointment leading up to Avaya’s birth. It was like we were tracing our steps, hoping for the same result.
We got home around 5pm, and my contractions grew stronger. I couldn’t talk through them, and had to brace myself on furniture or whatever else was around each time one came on. I began to panic a little bit, feeling unprepared to leave our daughter. We had never left her overnight before. The plan was to have my mom stay at our house with her, so I called her and said it was getting to be about that time. She showed up with a big pasta dinner for us all. She always makes sure we’re fed. I wasn’t interested in dinner in the slightest bit. I had so many things running through my mind that I still wanted to do before going to the hospital. I thought, “but I still have to show my mom how Avaya’s bath time routine is done, how I get her to brush her teeth, how the carseat works in case of an emergency.”
Then I realized we had to get out of there. We had to just go, so the anxiety of leaving would be behind me. I told Aaron to put the bags in the car. He was like, “What, now? We’re doing this now?” Yes.
The contractions were painful, but not unbearable. They actually lightened up a little bit on the car ride. Being 45 minutes away from the hospital though, having been 4 cm dilated hours earlier, and this being my second child, I was nervous about making it to the hospital in time. I wasn’t sure how fast this little guy would come.
Getting To The Hospital
We got to the hospital at 7:30pm. We ended up in the same room we had our daughter in! Our lucky room #15.
My cervix was checked. I was 4.5 cm dilated. I couldn’t believe it! I only went up a HALF a centimeter from my appointment five hours earlier! The nurse told me that it was possible that I was having contractions due to being dehydrated. Dehydrated! She told me they see it all the time. She brought me that huge hospital cup of water and told me to drink a couple of them. I felt defeated. My midwife advised me to drink the water and walk the halls. She said she’d be back in an hour and half to check me again. If nothing changed then, they would likely send me home.
Deja vu. This is exactly what they told me when in labor with my daughter – to walk the halls, and if nothing changed, they would likely send me home. I thought, “nope, I’m not going home.” I walked those halls. I held onto the same railing, passed the same nurses station, and felt the same pain all over again.
I walked for about an hour until I couldn’t stand to walk any more, then I went back to our room and directly to the bed. The shivering took over my body. My midwife checked me, and I was now about 5.5 cm. A centimeter more than I was last time. That was progress. It wasn’t just dehydration, I was in early labor, and was admitted.
My Labor Experience
When asked what my plan for pain management was, I told them I wanted to try to have a natural birth experience again. I did it with my daughter, I said, and I want to do it again. “Okay, let’s do this!” the nurse said.
Aaron got the diffuser going with some lavender oil to help me relax. It was going to be a long night ahead.
I sat up in that hospital bed with my eyes practically glued shut, only opening them to check the clock on the wall every once in a while. This went on ALL NIGHT LONG. Every hour that passed, I thought, this is going to be it, he’s going to be born within this hour. Hour after hour passed. I couldn’t lay down. The pain was worse when I laid down. I could only sit straight up and rock back and forth on the bed. I focused on breathing. I kept repeating the mantra in my head, “Just breath. Breath. My body knows what it is doing and my job is just to breath. Breath.”
Aaron slept on the pull-out chair next to my bed. I was annoyed to look over and see him peacefully sleeping while I was going through the worst pain ever, but I let him sleep, because, what else would he do? I certainly didn’t want to talk or be touched.
At around 3am, my cervix was checked again. I was 6.5 cm. This was moving SLOW! So much slower than I had anticipated for a second baby. I thought for sure when she came in to check me I would be the full 10 and ready to go.
I so badly wanted my water to break. When I was in labor with my daughter, my water broke and I immediately started pushing. I prayed for this to happen again. A few times in between contractions, I slowly stood up and did a squat or two. Then back to the bed before the next one came on.
At 5 am, my midwife and nurse came in. They asked if I wanted to take a hot shower or use the bathtub. I wasn’t interested in either. They told me it may help to relax my body and get things moving faster. I was uncontrollably shaking, and thought, well, maybe the heat will stop this shivering. I definitely didn’t want to be standing in a shower, so I agreed to try the bathtub.
The hospital had one labor room with a bathtub, and it was at the other end of the hall. I slowly walked from our room, down that hall to the room with the tub.
It was a good idea. I relaxed in the tub for a good hour and a half. The contractions were still so painful, but I was able to relax so much better in between them. I had the greatest nurse who sat in the room with Aaron and I. She quietly asked Aaron about our daughter, our dog, and our life at home. It was nice to listen to them talk about the familiarity of home.
After a while, I was ready to get out of the bathtub. I wanted to get back to the bed. Rather than going back to our room, we stayed right in the room with the bathtub. It was set up like the rest of the maternity rooms, just bigger, with the bathtub.
Once I got dried off and to the bed, my midwife came back in. She said her shift was ending at 8am (it was now 7:30). Ugh, I so badly wanted her to deliver the baby. She checked me one last time. I was at 8 cm. She asked if she could break my water. I said yes.
She broke my water and it completely soaked the bed. They had to keep calling for more towels and sheets. Apparently, I had a lot of water! I felt it gush continuously for quite a while.
The pain from that point on became so much more intense. Both the midwife and the nurse that I had all night [and loved!] were done with their shifts. The next nurse came on. She was also wonderful. She began massaging my back, and pushing on different pressure points. That did provide some relief.
When the midwife with the next shift came in to introduce herself, I could barley talk. I think I just said hi, and then just moaned in pain the rest of the time. Everything I remember from that point on seems very dramatic. She asked me if it was okay that a medical student who was shadowing her participate in the delivery. I said, “Yeah, fine!” She asked me if I wanted to get on my hand and knees, if that would make me more comfortable. I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to move at all. I didn’t know how I could move at all. Somehow though, I did to my hand and knees on the bed. I moved in to a few different positions, and couldn’t get comfortable in any of them.
Asher’s Delivery
I told the midwife I wanted to push. I needed him out.
When I was in labor with my daughter, I had a crazy, almost uncontrollable urge to push immediately after my water broke. This time, I really didn’t have that. It was more like, I can’t take this anymore, I want it to end, let me push him out! The contractions were non-stop, with almost no time in between.
The midwife was very holistic with her approach. She said, “Listen to your body… if it’s telling you to push, you can push.” I began pushing.
After about a half hour of pushing, I heard “there’s his head, we see his hair.” When I heard that, I remember screaming, “well, get him out!!” The midwife said, “We can’t get him out honey, you have to do that.”
The nurse asked if I wanted a mirror to see. I said “No, I don’t want to see.” They asked me that when I was in labor the first time too, and I declined. I think if I actually saw what was going on down there, I would want to stop pushing to stop the destruction!
At 9:17am, our boy was born. Aaron tells me the umbilical cord was wrapped around his belly and they had to untwist him out of it. He was then placed directly on my chest. He looked blueish-gray, he wasn’t moving, and there was no crying. A moment of sheer terror for both Aaron and I. We both asked, “Is he okay, is he okay?!” While he was still on my chest, one of the nurses rubbed him clean with a towel, jostling him a little bit, and he began crying. What a relief to hear that cry! He was only silent for 5 seconds or less, but those 5 seconds felt like 5 minutes in that moment.
Post Delivery
Once the umbilical cord stopped pulsing (3-4 minutes after delivery), Aaron cut the cord. Delayed cord clamping was a part of my birth plan for both of my deliveries. It has also become standard procedure at the hospital I delivered at (which is amazing!), so I didn’t technically have to have it in my birth plan at all.
The baby immediately wanted to breastfeed. He started to crawl up my chest, bobbing his head around with his mouth open, looking for where to eat. It still amazes me how they naturally just know what to do. The nurse helped me to get him latched on, and he began breastfeeding like a champ.
I had a first degree tear, so had to get stitched up. When I had my daughter, I had a second degree tear, so this one was not quite as bad.
I asked to see the placenta. I didn’t get a peak at it after my daughter was born, and I was always curious what it looked like. The medical student showed me. It’s really fascinating how large it is!
The baby and I did skin to skin for two hours. He was then weighed, measured, given the eye ointment, and the vitamin K shot. I got up to get cleaned up in the bathroom. Aaron then got to do skin to skin with the baby in the chair next to the bed. Our nurse took a blanket out of the blanket/towel warmer, and wrapped it around the both of them.
A few hours after the delivery, we moved back to our original room. For the rest of the day, we cuddled with our boy, and tried to get some rest. We still hadn’t settled on his name, so there was a lot of discussion about that.
Choosing a Name
In the last few weeks of my pregnancy, Aaron and I narrowed our list down to 3 names. Choosing a name for another human is a huge responsibility, and we didn’t take it lightly!
An entire day after his birth, we finally settled on a name. We decided to name him Asher. The meaning of the name Asher is “fortunate, blessed and happy.” I can’t think of a more perfect meaning to a name. We also love that this would give him the same initials as his daddy ❤️
How My Second Labor and Delivery Was Different From My First
I often get asked how this time around was different from my first.
My labors were similar to each other in a lot of ways. I made it to 40 weeks with both of them. Contractions started 2 nights prior to delivery. There were no complications, and I was able to have a natural birth both times.
The biggest difference was day and night – literally. When I was in labor with Avaya, we got to the hospital at 7:30 AM. This time, we got there at 7:30 PM. I labored with Avaya throughout the day, and with Asher, it was throughout the night. I definitely found it harder this time around to go through it at night. If I did have an epidural, maybe I would have thought differently – I may have gotten some rest. I didn’t have an epidural, there was no escape from the pain, and there was absolutely no sleeping. It was a long night.
My water broke on it’s own the first time. This time, the midwife broke my water.
My labor was longer this second time, but the pushing phase was shorter. I was in labor the first time for 10 hours. This time, it was 14 hours. I pushed for an hour and a half the first time. This time, I pushed for 45 minutes.
Praise to The Birthing Center
I can’t say enough good about the hospital I chose to deliver at. It’s actually a birthing center within a hospital. Each midwife and nurse that I encountered were so friendly, compassionate, and supportive.
As I mentioned above, delayed cord clamping is standard procedure at this birthing center, as is placing baby directly onto mom’s chest for skin to skin (as long as the circumstances permit). They encourage skin to skin for no less than an hour, waiting until that time is up to do the weight, height, footprints, shots, eye ointment, etc. They encourage breastfeeding, and have two lactation consultants there to help, answer questions, etc. They also encourage rooming-in with baby, in which the baby is in the room with you throughout your stay.
I was nervous about having a second baby. Nervous and worried that I wouldn’t have enough room in my heart to love someone as much as I love our daughter. That feeling went away as soon as I held our baby boy. Somehow, the heart makes room. Also, seeing how much Avaya loves her baby brother melts my heart like nothing else ever could, and Asher is already smiling at her ❤️