As I write this, our girl is already 4 weeks young, and I cannot believe it! Time is going so fast. Faster now than ever before. People always say enjoy every moment because it will go by in the blink of an eye. I totally understand now.
The day Avaya entered the world was the greatest day of my life. Pain and all. Every single detail of the day was perfection. I am so blessed to be able to say I had a wonderful pregnancy, a wonderful labor and delivery, and now, I have a wonderful, amazing baby girl. I was able to have a natural birth, which was what I wanted, but in all honesty, had doubts that I could do it.
Avaya’s Birth Story
The weekend before my due date, Aaron and I did quite a lot of walking to try and get things moving. I wasn’t really having any signs of labor approaching, and a few people told me I “still had to drop,” which was discouraging. We discovered a gorgeous nature trail overlooking Lake George. We walked broadway in Saratoga and around Congress Park. It was a good final weekend to ourselves before officially becoming parents.
My contractions began around 11pm Tuesday, the night of my due date. They lasted throughout the night. I think I slept for maybe an hour. They were irregular, timed everywhere from 7-15 minutes apart. I was waiting until they got a little more regular and hit the 5 minute mark before heading to the hospital. I got up at 5am to take a shower, thinking we would probably be headed to the hospital soon. Once I showered, the contractions pretty much stopped. So, no hospital that morning.
I had my 40 week appointment at 2pm that day [Wednesday]. My belly was hooked up to a monitor for a non-stress test to make sure the baby was not in distress (because I officially went over my due date). The monitor picked up contractions. I was so happy they were back. My cervix was checked. I was 2cm dilated. Not enough to get sent over to the hospital, but I was happy to know my body was making moves.
Immediately after my cervix was checked, my contractions grew strong again. Strong like they were throughout the night prior. I was hoping they wouldn’t go away this time. They didn’t. On the way home from our appointment, Aaron and I stopped for lunch. I could barley walk or even speak to order my food.
Once we got home, I spent a little bit of time out in the yard with our dog. I found 2 four leaf clovers at my feet and a red cardinal perched on a tree watching me. I’ve always taken four leaf clovers as a sign of luck, and the presence of a red cardinal as a spiritual presence. Just weeks earlier, Aaron’s beloved grandmother had passed. She had been so excited for the arrival of her newest great granddaughter. When saying goodbye to her at the funeral, Aaron asked her to watch over us and provide safe passage for the baby. I wholeheartedly believe that that red cardinal was her telling me that she was there, and the time was coming.
I spent the rest of the evening resting in our air conditioned bedroom. It was a hot week.
Throughout that Wednesday night into Thursday, my contractions were so strong. They were coming about every 7-8 minutes apart ALL NIGHT. Aaron was helping me time them with an app on our phones, which was definitely helpful.
Every time I got a contraction that seemed unbearable, I’d say in my head: “My body knows what it’s doing. My job is just to relax and breathe. My body was built for this. Breathe.” Throughout my pregnancy, I read many blog posts with tips on getting through labor, and time and time again, I read that it’s so helpful to have a mantra to repeat in your mind. I can definitely attest to this now.
Just like the morning before, I got up around 5am, though I was awake all night. It was Thursday. This time, I was confident that I was in early labor. Confident that it was almost time to head to the hospital. I told Aaron, “I know I said I want a natural labor, but screw that! I’m getting an epidural! This is only the beginning of the pain!”
I went downstairs to get a glass of water. A text came through from my sister – my sister who was also pregnant, and due that exact day (no, we did not plan that at all!). Her text said, “My guts hurt. What are you doing?” I told her mine did too. She said, “See you at the hospital probably…”
As I mentioned, being pregnant together was not something her and I planned. We were both shocked when we found out the other was pregnant, and finding out that our due dates were only two days apart… that was a bombshell. Going into labor on the same day was something that I feared our entire pregnancies. I didn’t want our girls to have to share their birthdays. But as fate would have it, it was becoming a reality. At this point, it didn’t matter. We just wanted everything to go smooth for both of us. In the end, it actually turned out pretty cool.
I called my dr.’s office and spoke to a midwife who gave me the go-ahead to go to the hospital to “get checked out.”
So, I went back upstairs and told Aaron ” Time to get up! I’m going to shower and we’re heading to the hospital!”
I took a shower, ate a quick bowl of cereal, and we headed out the door. About a minute into the drive, Sweet Child O’ Mine came on the radio. The best thing that could have happened in that moment. My mom has always told me she used to sing it to me when I was a baby, and now, here I was jamming out to it en route to go have my own daughter. Aaron blasted the song, took out his phone and got a video of us. We were both so excited, though I did not seem it in the video. He was singing the words and acting goofy, and I was more like “get the camera off me!” I really was thrilled though! ?
We got to the hospital around 7:30am.
We checked in, got set up in a room, and learned that my little sis was there just 2 doors down. She checked in 20 minutes prior. Absolute craziness.
At about 9am, my cervix was checked. I was 3.5 cm dilated. Not a huge increase from my appointment the day before when I was 2 cm. My nurse told me to walk laps around the maternity wing for an hour and a half, and she would be back to check me at 10:30. She said if I show more progression at that point, then I would be admitted. I said, “and if I don’t?” She said it’s possible that I could be sent home. I thought, there is no way I am going home! I already felt like the baby was going to be coming out any minute, and I live 35 minutes from the hospital.
So, I walked. I walked for an hour until I couldn’t walk any more. After an hour, I was pretty much just hunched over, holding the railing on the wall, unable to move my feet. Aaron would say “Come on, let’s keep walking.” “Nope, I’m good right here.” So, we went back to our room, and I ‘relaxed’ on the bed until the nurse came back in.
It was 11am by the time the nurse came in to check me again. I was at 4.5 cm dilated, “paper thin,” with a “bulging bag.” My nurse said “it looks like you’re in early labor, let’s get you admitted!” Loved those words.
She asked what my plan for pain was. I told her that I wanted to go natural, but I wasn’t against an epidural if the pain got intolerable. If I did need one, I wanted to wait as long as possible, as to not slow down any progression. She told me we’ll wait until at least 6 cm to discuss it again, and until then, I could take a shower or use a birthing ball to help ease the pain.
I had Aaron pull out my “spa bag” as I called it. It had my essential oil diffuser, Lavender oil, scalp massager, snacks, and all sorts of other goodies that didn’t end up getting use. He started my diffuser and dimmed the lights.
Aaron notified our family and friends, and our parents came to the hospital. My mom and dad bounced back and forth from my and my sisters room, giving us updates on how the other was doing.
For the next couple hours, I sat on the bed just taking long deep breathes with my eyes closed.
At 2:25 pm, my sister came in our room. It was the first and only time we’d see each other that day. The visit didn’t last long – maybe only a minute or two before I said I wanted to be alone ? I was in no condition to communicate or even open my eyes. Before she left the room, we did get a quick photo together, thanks to Aaron’s quick wit. He said “this doesn’t happen every day, we need a picture of you two together.” It’s certainly not a glamour shot, but it’s probably my favorite photo of us ever!
Although I was in a lot of pain, it wasn’t unbearable for me like I was anticipating. I was waiting for it to get worse. I expected it to be worse. A nurse came in and asked how my pain was on a scale of 1-10. I told her “7… I’m saving that 8,9, and 10 for what’s to come.” I was still doing okay with no epidural. For me, the pain was pretty comparable to my period pains. Since getting off birth control many years ago, I’ve had excruciating period cramps. Like, give me a heating pad and a bed kind of pain. I’ve discussed with my gynecologist the possibility of having endometriosis, but haven’t been officially diagnosed with it since I never had a laparoscopy done.
Aaron suggested that I take a shower to help alleviate some of the pain. I agreed to try it, although I really had no interest. He helped me get to the bathroom, and started the shower for me. Just as I was about to take my hospital gown off to get in, I had the strongest contraction yet. I grabbed on to Aaron, and then “whoosh,” my water broke! Not to be too graphic, but it was like a bucket of water fell from my crotch! It was pretty awesome to have had that experience. Like straight out of a movie. I stepped into the shower and sat on the shower bench while Aaron went out to get the nurse. The uncontrollable shakes started.
The nurse came in, looked at the fluid on the floor, and said “hmmm it looks like there’s meconium in there,” explaining to Aaron that it looked like the baby had her first poop while still in the sac. Meanwhile, I was sitting on the shower bench with an extreme amount of pressure going on everywhere down below. Like an extreme urge to go numero dose kind of pressure. I called to the nurse, ” I really have to go to the bathroom.” She said “okay, let me get you to the bed real quick so I can check you first.”
Well, she checked me and said, “I don’t feel anything… there’s no cervix left.” I was at the full 10cm. It was happening really fast. Within three and a half hours, I went from 4.5cm to 10cm.
I started to feel panicked and said “but I didn’t have an epidural yet!” I mean, my plan was to go without an epidural, but all of a sudden I felt like I was a crazy person not to have had one. I had gotten through the contractions okay without any pain relief, but in that moment, I was terrified to feel EVERYTHING in the pushing phase.
The nurse paged my mid-wife, who was across the street at my doctor’s office seeing patients there. I was so ready to start pushing. It’s like this force just takes over your body and it’s hard to control. It took about 20 minutes for my midwife to get to our room, all the while I was panting, eyes closed, fighting that urge to push.
They asked if I really wanted the epidural at that point. I was unsure if I really needed it, but I said yes out of panic. So, they paged the anesthesiologist, who was on another floor of the hospital with another patient. It would be about another 30 minutes before he could get to me. I couldn’t wait for that! I told my mid-wife and nurse, “I need to push now, I don’t need it!” They said, “Okay, let’s do this!”
Because of the meconium in the fluid when my water broke, I had to have a second nurse in the room – a special care nurse with an incubator. My midwife said if the baby doesn’t cry when she comes out, she will have to go immediately into the incubator and to the special care nursery. Somehow, I didn’t panic. I don’t think it even registered in my mind. In that moment, I was just like, “okay, fine, just let me push!”
So, I began pushing! I feared this part the most, but it was actually a big relief to push. Every time I felt a contraction, I gave 3 big long pushes. In between contractions, was rest time. After the first few pushes, there was a knock at the door. It was the anesthesiologist, offering the epidural. My midwife, bless her soul, told me “you’re doing great Becky, I don’t think you need it.” I felt so encouraged by those words and once again, turned down the meds.
Because I didn’t have the epidural, I was able to move around a lot, and that helped a ton! I tried different positions – from lying on my back, to lying on my side, to being on all fours, to squatting with a squat bar.
Aaron, my mid-wife, and my nurse were amazing support! I couldn’t have asked for a better team in my room. They were so encouraging, and made me feel like I was doing everything right.
A little bit over an hour and a half into pushing, at 5:13pm, our beautiful girl was born! It was amazing. SHE was amazing. She cried when she came out, thank God, so they didn’t have to take her to the special care nursery. She was immediately put on my chest, skin-to-skin, where she stayed for her first hour and had her first feeding. She made the cutest little cooing noises. A few minutes after her delivery, Aaron cut the umbilical cord. I was adamant about delayed cord clamping, so wanted to wait those extra few minutes before cutting the cord, but it was standard procedure at our hospital anyway (just another reason I love that hospital so much).
Talk about a state of euphoria. I couldn’t believe our girl was here. I couldn’t believe I did it. I couldn’t believe I did it naturally! Aaron tells me my first words were “Hi baby” and “I did it!” All the pain disappeared once she was born, and, despite not getting sleep in days, I felt like I had all the energy in the world.
She was weighed after our first hour together, coming in at 8lbs, 2oz.
At 7:30pm, after two-hours of just-us time, our families came in and met our girl. Meanwhile, my sister was still laboring two doors down, just a few hours away from having my niece.
We stayed up until 2am, eating pizza and just staring at our girl in complete awe.
I’m so blessed to have had a great birth experience with my daughter. My mom was in a labor with me for 48 hours. I was not breathing when I was born, and was immediately whisked away to be resuscitated. My mom developed an infection after having me, and had to undergo multiple surgeries. Knowing her story, I was always fearful that I would have a similar one. I’ve always heard “you deliver like your mother delivered you.” Luckily, that was not the case for me, and for that I am very grateful.
My Birth Plan
They say to make a birth plan, but don’t plan for it to go as planned. I knew to expect the unexpected, so my “hopeful plan” included the following:
- I wanted to try to have a natural birth, but I would take an epidural if I felt I needed it.
- I wanted a calm environment with the use of essential oils.
- I wanted delayed cord clamping.
- I wanted my baby placed directly on my chest skin-to-skin upon delivery.
- I wanted to breastfeed as soon as possible.
- I wanted to delay her first bath for at least 24 hours.
Thankfully, my birth plan did go as planned.
How I Prepared For Labor
From the moment I found out that I was pregnant, I started preparing my body and mind for labor.
During my 20th week of pregnancy, I shared the blog post Daily Rituals for a Healthy Pregnancy & Delivery, which described everything that I was doing at that time.
Here’s what I did to prepare myself:
- I tried to eat a highly nutritious diet (hard to do in the first trimester, when all I really had an appetite for was bagels).
- I used a yoga/birthing ball instead of an office chair. I started doing this to ease my lower back pain, but it’s really good for opening up your pelvis, as well as strengthening your muscles, so I kept doing it.
- I did squats. I wasn’t great at doing them every day like I had intended, but I would do 50 squats at least a few times a week.
- I did pre-natal yoga. I took a pre-natal yoga class for 12 weeks, and continued doing the flow at home once the class had ended.
- We took the classes offered through the hospital. The childbirth prep class, the breastfeeding class, tot-saver class, and caring for your infant class.
- I saw a chiropractor on 2 occasions. At my 32 week OB appointment, the baby was in a transverse position… she wasn’t yet head-down. I knew she still had time to get in the optimal position, but I wanted to do everything I could to help her get there, so, for the first time in my life, I saw a chiropractor to help me align my pelvis.
- I drank red raspberry leaf tea in the last few weeks leading up to my due date.
- I ate 6 dates a day from week 36 on.
- I started taking primrose oil capsules a few days before my due date.
For so many years, I’ve struggled with trying to find my life’s purpose. The only thing I’ve always known for certain was I wanted to be a mom. I know I was made to be this girl’s momma. I am so in love with this little lady ?